why didn't you poke me back
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
