lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
