your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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