you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
