how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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