I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize