Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
