I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
