I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize