I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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