im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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