i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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