Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
People in love make me want to vomit
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
