If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
