ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize