Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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