I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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