Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do herpes really smell.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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