I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
