I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize