The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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