i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
