I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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