Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
