i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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