Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
