Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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