she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
