We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
