are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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