I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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