weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if only i could text you this smell
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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