I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
