So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every concussion has its silver lining
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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