It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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