did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
