I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
