last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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