How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
