So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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