I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
