Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize