the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
