So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
