Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
