I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
