escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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