I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
