We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
