drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
