I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
