tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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