i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
