dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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