The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
