HIV tests are more positive than that guy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
