You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
