i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize