Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't turn off my feet"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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