who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
