dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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