I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
