I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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