that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
