If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
