there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize