I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
