Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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